Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
