I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
