So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
