hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
