can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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