the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
