I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
