He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
