I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
