i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
