I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
