so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
