we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
