3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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