how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
