I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She's the barista slut.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
