I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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