i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
