I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
