someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
