Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
