When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
