Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
