i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
