To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dick very happy bro
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
