nut hugger
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
