I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
