why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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