I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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