i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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