Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
