Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
