i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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