I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
