Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
