I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
