2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
