no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
