Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
