I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
