I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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