I want to have your abortion
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
