I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
