Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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