i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
