i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's the barista slut.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
