I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
