"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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