Duck Duck Cougar?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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