fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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